I suppose there is no man in this Vanity Fair of ours so littleobservant as not to think sometimes about the worldly affairs of hisacquaintances, or so extremely charitable as not to wonder how hisneighbour Jones, or his neighbour Smith, can make both ends meet at theend of the year. With the utmost regard for the family, for instance(for I dine with them twice or thrice in the season), I cannot but ownthat the appearance of the Jenkinses in the park, in the large barouchewith the grenadier-footmen, will surprise and mystify me to my dyingday: for though I know the equipage is only jobbed, and all theJenkins people are on board wages, yet those three men and the carriagemust represent an expense of six hundred a year at the very least--andthen there are the splendid dinners, the two boys at Eton, the prizegoverness and masters for the girls, the trip abroad, or to Eastbourneor Worthing, in the autumn, the annual ball with a supper from Gunter's(who, by the way, supplies most of the first-rate dinners which J.gives, as I know very well, having been invited to one of them to filla vacant place, when I saw at once that these repasts are very superiorto the common run of entertainments for which the humbler sort of J.'sacquaintances get cards)--who, I say, with the most good-naturedfeelings in the world, can help wondering how the Jenkinses make outmatters? What is Jenkins? We all know--Commissioner of the Tape andSealing Wax Office, with 1200 pounds a year for a salary. Had his wifea private fortune? Pooh!--Miss Flint--one of eleven children of a smallsquire in Buckinghamshire. All she ever gets from her family is aturkey at Christmas, in exchange for which she has to board two orthree of her sisters in the off season, and lodge and feed her brotherswhen they come to town. How does Jenkins balance his income? I say, asevery friend of his must say, How is it that he has not been outlawedlong since, and that he ever came back (as he did to the surprise ofeverybody) last year from Boulogne?

"I" is here introduced to personify the world in general--the Mrs.Grundy of each respected reader's private circle--every one of whom canpoint to some families of his acquaintance who live nobody knows how.Many a glass of wine have we all of us drunk, I have very little doubt,hob-and-nobbing with the hospitable giver and wondering how the deucehe paid for it.

Some three or four years after his stay in Paris, when Rawdon Crawleyand his wife were established in a very small comfortable house inCurzon Street, May Fair, there was scarcely one of the numerous friendswhom they entertained at dinner that did not ask the above questionregarding them. The novelist, it has been said before, knowseverything, and as I am in a situation to be able to tell the publichow Crawley and his wife lived without any income, may I entreat thepublic newspapers which are in the habit of extracting portions of thevarious periodical works now published not to reprint the followingexact narrative and calculations--of which I ought, as the discoverer(and at some expense, too), to have the benefit? My son, I would say,were I blessed with a child--you may by deep inquiry and constantintercourse with him learn how a man lives comfortably on nothing ayear. But it is best not to be intimate with gentlemen of thisprofession and to take the calculations at second hand, as you dologarithms, for to work them yourself, depend upon it, will cost yousomething considerable.

On nothing per annum then, and during a course of some two or threeyears, of which we can afford to give but a very brief history, Crawleyand his wife lived very happily and comfortably at Paris. It was inthis period that he quitted the Guards and sold out of the army. Whenwe find him again, his mustachios and the title of Colonel on his cardare the only relics of his military profession.

It has been mentioned that Rebecca, soon after her arrival in Paris,took a very smart and leading position in the society of that capital,and was welcomed at some of the most distinguished houses of therestored French nobility. The English men of fashion in Paris courtedher, too, to the disgust of the ladies their wives, who could not bearthe parvenue. For some months the salons of the Faubourg St. Germain,in which her place was secured, and the splendours of the new Court,where she was received with much distinction, delighted and perhaps alittle intoxicated Mrs. Crawley, who may have been disposed during thisperiod of elation to slight the people--honest young military menmostly--who formed her husband's chief society.

But the Colonel yawned sadly among the Duchesses and great ladies ofthe Court. The old women who played ecarte made such a noise about afive-franc piece that it was not worth Colonel Crawley's while to sitdown at a card-table. The wit of their conversation he could notappreciate, being ignorant of their language. And what good could hiswife get, he urged, by making curtsies every night to a whole circle ofPrincesses? He left Rebecca presently to frequent these parties alone,resuming his own simple pursuits and amusements amongst the amiablefriends of his own choice.

The truth is, when we say of a gentleman that he lives elegantly onnothing a year, we use the word "nothing" to signify something unknown;meaning, simply, that we don't know how the gentleman in questiondefrays the expenses of his establishment. Now, our friend the Colonelhad a great aptitude for all games of chance: and exercising himself,as he continually did, with the cards, the dice-box, or the cue, it isnatural to suppose that he attained a much greater skill in the use ofthese articles than men can possess who only occasionally handle them.To use a cue at billiards well is like using a pencil, or a Germanflute, or a small-sword--you cannot master any one of these implementsat first, and it is only by repeated study and perseverance, joined toa natural taste, that a man can excel in the handling of either. NowCrawley, from being only a brilliant amateur, had grown to be aconsummate master of billiards. Like a great General, his genius usedto rise with the danger, and when the luck had been unfavourable to himfor a whole game, and the bets were consequently against him, he would,with consummate skill and boldness, make some prodigious hits whichwould restore the battle, and come in a victor at the end, to theastonishment of everybody--of everybody, that is, who was a stranger tohis play. Those who were accustomed to see it were cautious how theystaked their money against a man of such sudden resources and brilliantand overpowering skill.

At games of cards he was equally skilful; for though he wouldconstantly lose money at the commencement of an evening, playing socarelessly and making such blunders, that newcomers were often inclinedto think meanly of his talent; yet when roused to action and awakenedto caution by repeated small losses, it was remarked that Crawley'splay became quite different, and that he was pretty sure of beating hisenemy thoroughly before the night was over. Indeed, very few men couldsay that they ever had the better of him. His successes were sorepeated that no wonder the envious and the vanquished spoke sometimeswith bitterness regarding them. And as the French say of the Duke ofWellington, who never suffered a defeat, that only an astonishingseries of lucky accidents enabled him to be an invariable winner; yeteven they allow that he cheated at Waterloo, and was enabled to win thelast great trick: so it was hinted at headquarters in England thatsome foul play must have taken place in order to account for thecontinuous successes of Colonel Crawley.

Though Frascati's and the Salon were open at that time in Paris, themania for play was so widely spread that the public gambling-rooms didnot suffice for the general ardour, and gambling went on in privatehouses as much as if there had been no public means for gratifying thepassion. At Crawley's charming little reunions of an evening thisfatal amusement commonly was practised--much to good-natured littleMrs. Crawley's annoyance. She spoke about her husband's passion fordice with the deepest grief; she bewailed it to everybody who came toher house. She besought the young fellows never, never to touch a box;and when young Green, of the Rifles, lost a very considerable sum ofmoney, Rebecca passed a whole night in tears, as the servant told theunfortunate young gentleman, and actually went on her knees to herhusband to beseech him to remit the debt, and burn the acknowledgement.How could he? He had lost just as much himself to Blackstone of theHussars, and Count Punter of the Hanoverian Cavalry. Green might haveany decent time; but pay?--of course he must pay; to talk of burningIOU's was child's play.

Other officers, chiefly young--for the young fellows gathered roundMrs. Crawley--came from her parties with long faces, having droppedmore or less money at her fatal card-tables. Her house began to havean unfortunate reputation. The old hands warned the less experiencedof their danger. Colonel O'Dowd, of the --th regiment, one of thoseoccupying in Paris, warned Lieutenant Spooney of that corps. A loudand violent fracas took place between the infantry Colonel and hislady, who were dining at the Cafe de Paris, and Colonel and Mrs.Crawley; who were also taking their meal there. The ladies engaged onboth sides. Mrs. O'Dowd snapped her fingers in Mrs. Crawley's face andcalled her husband "no betther than a black-leg." Colonel Crawleychallenged Colonel O'Dowd, C.B. The Commander-in-Chief hearing of thedispute sent for Colonel Crawley, who was getting ready the samepistols "which he shot Captain Marker," and had such a conversationwith him that no duel took place. If Rebecca had not gone on her kneesto General Tufto, Crawley would have been sent back to England; and hedid not play, except with civilians, for some weeks after.

But, in spite of Rawdon's undoubted skill and constant successes, itbecame evident to Rebecca, considering these things, that theirposition was but a precarious one, and that, even although they paidscarcely anybody, their little capital would end one day by dwindlinginto zero. "Gambling," she would say, "dear, is good to help yourincome, but not as an income itself. Some day people may be tired ofplay, and then where are we?" Rawdon acquiesced in the justice of heropinion; and in truth he had remarked that after a few nights of hislittle suppers, &c., gentlemen were tired of play with him, and, inspite of Rebecca's charms, did not present themselves very eagerly.

Easy and pleasant as their life at Paris was, it was after all only anidle dalliance and amiable trifling; and Rebecca saw that she must pushRawdon's fortune in their own country. She must get him a place orappointment at home or in the colonies, and she determined to make amove upon England as soon as the way could be cleared for her. As afirst step she had made Crawley sell out of the Guards and go onhalf-pay. His function as aide-de-camp to General Tufto had ceasedpreviously. Rebecca laughed in all companies at that officer, at histoupee (which he mounted on coming to Paris), at his waistband, at hisfalse teeth, at his pretensions to be a lady-killer above all, and hisabsurd vanity in fancying every woman whom he came near was in lovewith him. It was to Mrs. Brent, the beetle-browed wife of Mr.Commissary Brent, to whom the general transferred his attentionsnow--his bouquets, his dinners at the restaurateurs', his opera-boxes,and his knick-knacks. Poor Mrs. Tufto was no more happy than before,and had still to pass long evenings alone with her daughters, knowingthat her General was gone off scented and curled to stand behind Mrs.Brent's chair at the play. Becky had a dozen admirers in his place, tobe sure, and could cut her rival to pieces with her wit. But, as wehave said, she was growing tired of this idle social life:opera-boxes and restaurateur dinners palled upon her: nosegays couldnot be laid by as a provision for future years: and she could not liveupon knick-knacks, laced handkerchiefs, and kid gloves. She felt thefrivolity of pleasure and longed for more substantial benefits.

At this juncture news arrived which was spread among the many creditorsof the Colonel at Paris, and which caused them great satisfaction.Miss Crawley, the rich aunt from whom he expected his immenseinheritance, was dying; the Colonel must haste to her bedside. Mrs.Crawley and her child would remain behind until he came to reclaimthem. He departed for Calais, and having reached that place in safety,it might have been supposed that he went to Dover; but instead he tookthe diligence to Dunkirk, and thence travelled to Brussels, for whichplace he had a former predilection. The fact is, he owed more money atLondon than at Paris; and he preferred the quiet little Belgian city toeither of the more noisy capitals.

Her aunt was dead. Mrs. Crawley ordered the most intense mourning forherself and little Rawdon. The Colonel was busy arranging the affairsof the inheritance. They could take the premier now, instead of thelittle entresol of the hotel which they occupied. Mrs. Crawley and thelandlord had a consultation about the new hangings, an amicable wrangleabout the carpets, and a final adjustment of everything except thebill. She went off in one of his carriages; her French bonne with her;the child by her side; the admirable landlord and landlady smilingfarewell to her from the gate. General Tufto was furious when he heardshe was gone, and Mrs. Brent furious with him for being furious;Lieutenant Spooney was cut to the heart; and the landlord got ready hisbest apartments previous to the return of the fascinating little womanand her husband. He _serred_ the trunks which she left in his chargewith the greatest care. They had been especially recommended to him byMadame Crawley. They were not, however, found to be particularlyvaluable when opened some time after.

But before she went to join her husband in the Belgic capital, Mrs.Crawley made an expedition into England, leaving behind her her littleson upon the continent, under the care of her French maid.

The parting between Rebecca and the little Rawdon did not cause eitherparty much pain. She had not, to say truth, seen much of the younggentleman since his birth. After the amiable fashion of French mothers,she had placed him out at nurse in a village in the neighbourhood ofParis, where little Rawdon passed the first months of his life, notunhappily, with a numerous family of foster-brothers in wooden shoes.His father would ride over many a time to see him here, and the elderRawdon's paternal heart glowed to see him rosy and dirty, shoutinglustily, and happy in the making of mud-pies under the superintendenceof the gardener's wife, his nurse.

Rebecca did not care much to go and see the son and heir. Once hespoiled a new dove-coloured pelisse of hers. He preferred his nurse'scaresses to his mamma's, and when finally he quitted that jolly nurseand almost parent, he cried loudly for hours. He was only consoled byhis mother's promise that he should return to his nurse the next day;indeed the nurse herself, who probably would have been pained at theparting too, was told that the child would immediately be restored toher, and for some time awaited quite anxiously his return.

In fact, our friends may be said to have been among the first of thatbrood of hardy English adventurers who have subsequently invaded theContinent and swindled in all the capitals of Europe. The respect inthose happy days of 1817-18 was very great for the wealth and honour ofBritons. They had not then learned, as I am told, to haggle forbargains with the pertinacity which now distinguishes them. The greatcities of Europe had not been as yet open to the enterprise of ourrascals. And whereas there is now hardly a town of France or Italy inwhich you shall not see some noble countryman of our own, with thathappy swagger and insolence of demeanour which we carry everywhere,swindling inn-landlords, passing fictitious cheques upon credulousbankers, robbing coach-makers of their carriages, goldsmiths of theirtrinkets, easy travellers of their money at cards, even publiclibraries of their books--thirty years ago you needed but to be a MilorAnglais, travelling in a private carriage, and credit was at your handwherever you chose to seek it, and gentlemen, instead of cheating, werecheated. It was not for some weeks after the Crawleys' departure thatthe landlord of the hotel which they occupied during their residence atParis found out the losses which he had sustained: not until MadameMarabou, the milliner, made repeated visits with her little bill forarticles supplied to Madame Crawley; not until Monsieur Didelot fromBoule d'Or in the Palais Royal had asked half a dozen times whethercette charmante Miladi who had bought watches and bracelets of him wasde retour. It is a fact that even the poor gardener's wife, who hadnursed madame's child, was never paid after the first six months forthat supply of the milk of human kindness with which she had furnishedthe lusty and healthy little Rawdon. No, not even the nurse waspaid--the Crawleys were in too great a hurry to remember their triflingdebt to her. As for the landlord of the hotel, his curses against theEnglish nation were violent for the rest of his natural life. He askedall travellers whether they knew a certain Colonel Lor Crawley--avec safemme une petite dame, tres spirituelle. "Ah, Monsieur!" he wouldadd--"ils m'ont affreusement vole." It was melancholy to hear hisaccents as he spoke of that catastrophe.

Rebecca's object in her journey to London was to effect a kind ofcompromise with her husband's numerous creditors, and by offering thema dividend of ninepence or a shilling in the pound, to secure a returnfor him into his own country. It does not become us to trace the stepswhich she took in the conduct of this most difficult negotiation; but,having shown them to their satisfaction that the sum which she wasempowered to offer was all her husband's available capital, and havingconvinced them that Colonel Crawley would prefer a perpetual retirementon the Continent to a residence in this country with his debtsunsettled; having proved to them that there was no possibility of moneyaccruing to him from other quarters, and no earthly chance of theirgetting a larger dividend than that which she was empowered to offer,she brought the Colonel's creditors unanimously to accept herproposals, and purchased with fifteen hundred pounds of ready moneymore than ten times that amount of debts.

Mrs. Crawley employed no lawyer in the transaction. The matter was sosimple, to have or to leave, as she justly observed, that she made thelawyers of the creditors themselves do the business. And Mr. Lewisrepresenting Mr. Davids, of Red Lion Square, and Mr. Moss acting forMr. Manasseh of Cursitor Street (chief creditors of the Colonel's),complimented his lady upon the brilliant way in which she did business,and declared that there was no professional man who could beat her.

Rebecca received their congratulations with perfect modesty; ordered abottle of sherry and a bread cake to the little dingy lodgings whereshe dwelt, while conducting the business, to treat the enemy's lawyers:shook hands with them at parting, in excellent good humour, andreturned straightway to the Continent, to rejoin her husband and sonand acquaint the former with the glad news of his entire liberation.As for the latter, he had been considerably neglected during hismother's absence by Mademoiselle Genevieve, her French maid; for thatyoung woman, contracting an attachment for a soldier in the garrison ofCalais, forgot her charge in the society of this militaire, and littleRawdon very narrowly escaped drowning on Calais sands at this period,where the absent Genevieve had left and lost him.

And so, Colonel and Mrs. Crawley came to London: and it is at theirhouse in Curzon Street, May Fair, that they really showed the skillwhich must be possessed by those who would live on the resources abovenamed.