The kind reader must please to remember--while the army is marchingfrom Flanders, and, after its heroic actions there, is advancing totake the fortifications on the frontiers of France, previous to anoccupation of that country--that there are a number of persons livingpeaceably in England who have to do with the history at present inhand, and must come in for their share of the chronicle. During thetime of these battles and dangers, old Miss Crawley was living atBrighton, very moderately moved by the great events that were going on.The great events rendered the newspapers rather interesting, to besure, and Briggs read out the Gazette, in which Rawdon Crawley'sgallantry was mentioned with honour, and his promotion was presentlyrecorded.

"What a pity that young man has taken such an irretrievable step in theworld!" his aunt said; "with his rank and distinction he might havemarried a brewer's daughter with a quarter of a million--like MissGrains; or have looked to ally himself with the best families inEngland. He would have had my money some day or other; or his childrenwould--for I'm not in a hurry to go, Miss Briggs, although you may bein a hurry to be rid of me; and instead of that, he is a doomed pauper,with a dancing-girl for a wife."

"Will my dear Miss Crawley not cast an eye of compassion upon theheroic soldier, whose name is inscribed in the annals of his country'sglory?" said Miss Briggs, who was greatly excited by the Waterlooproceedings, and loved speaking romantically when there was anoccasion. "Has not the Captain--or the Colonel as I may now stylehim--done deeds which make the name of Crawley illustrious?"

"Briggs, you are a fool," said Miss Crawley: "Colonel Crawley hasdragged the name of Crawley through the mud, Miss Briggs. Marry adrawing-master's daughter, indeed!--marry a dame de compagnie--for shewas no better, Briggs; no, she was just what you are--only younger, anda great deal prettier and cleverer. Were you an accomplice of thatabandoned wretch, I wonder, of whose vile arts he became a victim, andof whom you used to be such an admirer? Yes, I daresay you were anaccomplice. But you will find yourself disappointed in my will, I cantell you: and you will have the goodness to write to Mr. Waxy, and saythat I desire to see him immediately." Miss Crawley was now in thehabit of writing to Mr. Waxy her solicitor almost every day in theweek, for her arrangements respecting her property were all revoked,and her perplexity was great as to the future disposition of her money.

The spinster had, however, rallied considerably; as was proved by theincreased vigour and frequency of her sarcasms upon Miss Briggs, allwhich attacks the poor companion bore with meekness, with cowardice,with a resignation that was half generous and half hypocritical--withthe slavish submission, in a word, that women of her disposition andstation are compelled to show. Who has not seen how women bully women?What tortures have men to endure, comparable to those daily repeatedshafts of scorn and cruelty with which poor women are riddled by thetyrants of their sex? Poor victims! But we are starting from ourproposition, which is, that Miss Crawley was always particularlyannoying and savage when she was rallying from illness--as they saywounds tingle most when they are about to heal.

While thus approaching, as all hoped, to convalescence, Miss Briggs wasthe only victim admitted into the presence of the invalid; yet MissCrawley's relatives afar off did not forget their beloved kinswoman,and by a number of tokens, presents, and kind affectionate messages,strove to keep themselves alive in her recollection.

In the first place, let us mention her nephew, Rawdon Crawley. A fewweeks after the famous fight of Waterloo, and after the Gazette hadmade known to her the promotion and gallantry of that distinguishedofficer, the Dieppe packet brought over to Miss Crawley at Brighton, abox containing presents, and a dutiful letter, from the Colonel hernephew. In the box were a pair of French epaulets, a Cross of theLegion of Honour, and the hilt of a sword--relics from the field ofbattle: and the letter described with a good deal of humour how thelatter belonged to a commanding officer of the Guard, who having swornthat "the Guard died, but never surrendered," was taken prisoner thenext minute by a private soldier, who broke the Frenchman's sword withthe butt of his musket, when Rawdon made himself master of theshattered weapon. As for the cross and epaulets, they came from aColonel of French cavalry, who had fallen under the aide-de-camp's armin the battle: and Rawdon Crawley did not know what better to do withthe spoils than to send them to his kindest and most affectionate oldfriend. Should he continue to write to her from Paris, whither the armywas marching? He might be able to give her interesting news from thatcapital, and of some of Miss Crawley's old friends of the emigration,to whom she had shown so much kindness during their distress.

The spinster caused Briggs to write back to the Colonel a gracious andcomplimentary letter, encouraging him to continue his correspondence.His first letter was so excessively lively and amusing that she shouldlook with pleasure for its successors.--"Of course, I know," sheexplained to Miss Briggs, "that Rawdon could not write such a goodletter any more than you could, my poor Briggs, and that it is thatclever little wretch of a Rebecca, who dictates every word to him; butthat is no reason why my nephew should not amuse me; and so I wish tolet him understand that I am in high good humour."

I wonder whether she knew that it was not only Becky who wrote theletters, but that Mrs. Rawdon actually took and sent home the trophieswhich she bought for a few francs, from one of the innumerable pedlarswho immediately began to deal in relics of the war. The novelist, whoknows everything, knows this also. Be this, however, as it may, MissCrawley's gracious reply greatly encouraged our young friends, Rawdonand his lady, who hoped for the best from their aunt's evidentlypacified humour: and they took care to entertain her with manydelightful letters from Paris, whither, as Rawdon said, they had thegood luck to go in the track of the conquering army.

To the rector's lady, who went off to tend her husband's brokencollar-bone at the Rectory at Queen's Crawley, the spinster'scommunications were by no means so gracious. Mrs. Bute, that brisk,managing, lively, imperious woman, had committed the most fatal of allerrors with regard to her sister-in-law. She had not merely oppressedher and her household--she had bored Miss Crawley; and if poor MissBriggs had been a woman of any spirit, she might have been made happyby the commission which her principal gave her to write a letter toMrs. Bute Crawley, saying that Miss Crawley's health was greatlyimproved since Mrs. Bute had left her, and begging the latter on noaccount to put herself to trouble, or quit her family for MissCrawley's sake. This triumph over a lady who had been very haughty andcruel in her behaviour to Miss Briggs, would have rejoiced most women;but the truth is, Briggs was a woman of no spirit at all, and themoment her enemy was discomfited, she began to feel compassion in herfavour.

"How silly I was," Mrs. Bute thought, and with reason, "ever to hintthat I was coming, as I did, in that foolish letter when we sent MissCrawley the guinea-fowls. I ought to have gone without a word to thepoor dear doting old creature, and taken her out of the hands of thatninny Briggs, and that harpy of a femme de chambre. Oh! Bute, Bute,why did you break your collar-bone?"

Why, indeed? We have seen how Mrs. Bute, having the game in her hands,had really played her cards too well. She had ruled over Miss Crawley'shousehold utterly and completely, to be utterly and completely routedwhen a favourable opportunity for rebellion came. She and herhousehold, however, considered that she had been the victim of horribleselfishness and treason, and that her sacrifices in Miss Crawley'sbehalf had met with the most savage ingratitude. Rawdon's promotion,and the honourable mention made of his name in the Gazette, filled thisgood Christian lady also with alarm. Would his aunt relent towards himnow that he was a Lieutenant-Colonel and a C.B.? and would that odiousRebecca once more get into favour? The Rector's wife wrote a sermon forher husband about the vanity of military glory and the prosperity ofthe wicked, which the worthy parson read in his best voice and withoutunderstanding one syllable of it. He had Pitt Crawley for one of hisauditors--Pitt, who had come with his two half-sisters to church, whichthe old Baronet could now by no means be brought to frequent.

Since the departure of Becky Sharp, that old wretch had given himselfup entirely to his bad courses, to the great scandal of the county andthe mute horror of his son. The ribbons in Miss Horrocks's cap becamemore splendid than ever. The polite families fled the hall and itsowner in terror. Sir Pitt went about tippling at his tenants' houses;and drank rum-and-water with the farmers at Mudbury and theneighbouring places on market-days. He drove the family coach-and-fourto Southampton with Miss Horrocks inside: and the county peopleexpected, every week, as his son did in speechless agony, that hismarriage with her would be announced in the provincial paper. It wasindeed a rude burthen for Mr. Crawley to bear. His eloquence waspalsied at the missionary meetings, and other religious assemblies inthe neighbourhood, where he had been in the habit of presiding, and ofspeaking for hours; for he felt, when he rose, that the audience said,"That is the son of the old reprobate Sir Pitt, who is very likelydrinking at the public house at this very moment." And once when he wasspeaking of the benighted condition of the king of Timbuctoo, and thenumber of his wives who were likewise in darkness, some gipsy miscreantfrom the crowd asked, "How many is there at Queen's Crawley, YoungSquaretoes?" to the surprise of the platform, and the ruin of Mr.Pitt's speech. And the two daughters of the house of Queen's Crawleywould have been allowed to run utterly wild (for Sir Pitt swore that nogoverness should ever enter into his doors again), had not Mr. Crawley,by threatening the old gentleman, forced the latter to send them toschool.

Meanwhile, as we have said, whatever individual differences there mightbe between them all, Miss Crawley's dear nephews and nieces wereunanimous in loving her and sending her tokens of affection. Thus Mrs.Bute sent guinea-fowls, and some remarkably fine cauliflowers, and apretty purse or pincushion worked by her darling girls, who begged tokeep a LITTLE place in the recollection of their dear aunt, while Mr.Pitt sent peaches and grapes and venison from the Hall. TheSouthampton coach used to carry these tokens of affection to MissCrawley at Brighton: it used sometimes to convey Mr. Pitt thither too:for his differences with Sir Pitt caused Mr. Crawley to absent himselfa good deal from home now: and besides, he had an attraction atBrighton in the person of the Lady Jane Sheepshanks, whose engagementto Mr. Crawley has been formerly mentioned in this history. HerLadyship and her sisters lived at Brighton with their mamma, theCountess Southdown, that strong-minded woman so favourably known inthe serious world.

A few words ought to be said regarding her Ladyship and her noblefamily, who are bound by ties of present and future relationship to thehouse of Crawley. Respecting the chief of the Southdown family, ClementWilliam, fourth Earl of Southdown, little need be told, except that hisLordship came into Parliament (as Lord Wolsey) under the auspices ofMr. Wilberforce, and for a time was a credit to his political sponsor,and decidedly a serious young man. But words cannot describe thefeelings of his admirable mother, when she learned, very shortly afterher noble husband's demise, that her son was a member of severalworldly clubs, had lost largely at play at Wattier's and the CocoaTree; that he had raised money on post-obits, and encumbered thefamily estate; that he drove four-in-hand, and patronised the ring; andthat he actually had an opera-box, where he entertained the mostdangerous bachelor company. His name was only mentioned with groans inthe dowager's circle.

The Lady Emily was her brother's senior by many years; and tookconsiderable rank in the serious world as author of some of thedelightful tracts before mentioned, and of many hymns and spiritualpieces. A mature spinster, and having but faint ideas of marriage, herlove for the blacks occupied almost all her feelings. It is to her, Ibelieve, we owe that beautiful poem.

Lead us to some sunny isle, Yonder in the western deep; Where the skies for ever smile, And the blacks for ever weep, &c.

She had correspondences with clerical gentlemen in most of our East andWest India possessions; and was secretly attached to the Reverend SilasHornblower, who was tattooed in the South Sea Islands.

As for the Lady Jane, on whom, as it has been said, Mr. Pitt Crawley'saffection had been placed, she was gentle, blushing, silent, and timid.In spite of his falling away, she wept for her brother, and was quiteashamed of loving him still. Even yet she used to send him littlehurried smuggled notes, and pop them into the post in private. The onedreadful secret which weighed upon her life was, that she and the oldhousekeeper had been to pay Southdown a furtive visit at his chambersin the Albany; and found him--O the naughty dear abandonedwretch!--smoking a cigar with a bottle of Curacao before him. Sheadmired her sister, she adored her mother, she thought Mr. Crawley themost delightful and accomplished of men, after Southdown, that fallenangel: and her mamma and sister, who were ladies of the most superiorsort, managed everything for her, and regarded her with that amiablepity, of which your really superior woman always has such a share togive away. Her mamma ordered her dresses, her books, her bonnets, andher ideas for her. She was made to take pony-riding, or piano-exercise,or any other sort of bodily medicament, according as my Lady Southdownsaw meet; and her ladyship would have kept her daughter in pinafores upto her present age of six-and-twenty, but that they were thrown offwhen Lady Jane was presented to Queen Charlotte.

When these ladies first came to their house at Brighton, it was to themalone that Mr. Crawley paid his personal visits, contenting himself byleaving a card at his aunt's house, and making a modest inquiry of Mr.Bowls or his assistant footman, with respect to the health of theinvalid. When he met Miss Briggs coming home from the library with acargo of novels under her arm, Mr. Crawley blushed in a manner quiteunusual to him, as he stepped forward and shook Miss Crawley'scompanion by the hand. He introduced Miss Briggs to the lady with whomhe happened to be walking, the Lady Jane Sheepshanks, saying, "LadyJane, permit me to introduce to you my aunt's kindest friend and mostaffectionate companion, Miss Briggs, whom you know under another title,as authoress of the delightful 'Lyrics of the Heart,' of which you areso fond." Lady Jane blushed too as she held out a kind little hand toMiss Briggs, and said something very civil and incoherent about mamma,and proposing to call on Miss Crawley, and being glad to be made knownto the friends and relatives of Mr. Crawley; and with soft dove-likeeyes saluted Miss Briggs as they separated, while Pitt Crawley treatedher to a profound courtly bow, such as he had used to H.H. the Duchessof Pumpernickel, when he was attache at that court.

The artful diplomatist and disciple of the Machiavellian Binkie! Itwas he who had given Lady Jane that copy of poor Briggs's early poems,which he remembered to have seen at Queen's Crawley, with a dedicationfrom the poetess to his father's late wife; and he brought the volumewith him to Brighton, reading it in the Southampton coach and markingit with his own pencil, before he presented it to the gentle Lady Jane.

It was he, too, who laid before Lady Southdown the great advantageswhich might occur from an intimacy between her family and MissCrawley--advantages both worldly and spiritual, he said: for MissCrawley was now quite alone; the monstrous dissipation and alliance ofhis brother Rawdon had estranged her affections from that reprobateyoung man; the greedy tyranny and avarice of Mrs. Bute Crawley hadcaused the old lady to revolt against the exorbitant pretensions ofthat part of the family; and though he himself had held off all hislife from cultivating Miss Crawley's friendship, with perhaps animproper pride, he thought now that every becoming means should betaken, both to save her soul from perdition, and to secure her fortuneto himself as the head of the house of Crawley.

The strong-minded Lady Southdown quite agreed in both proposals of herson-in-law, and was for converting Miss Crawley off-hand. At her ownhome, both at Southdown and at Trottermore Castle, this tall and awfulmissionary of the truth rode about the country in her barouche withoutriders, launched packets of tracts among the cottagers and tenants,and would order Gaffer Jones to be converted, as she would order GoodyHicks to take a James's powder, without appeal, resistance, or benefitof clergy. My Lord Southdown, her late husband, an epileptic andsimple-minded nobleman, was in the habit of approving of everythingwhich his Matilda did and thought. So that whatever changes her ownbelief might undergo (and it accommodated itself to a prodigiousvariety of opinion, taken from all sorts of doctors among theDissenters) she had not the least scruple in ordering all her tenantsand inferiors to follow and believe after her. Thus whether shereceived the Reverend Saunders McNitre, the Scotch divine; or theReverend Luke Waters, the mild Wesleyan; or the Reverend Giles Jowls,the illuminated Cobbler, who dubbed himself Reverend as Napoleoncrowned himself Emperor--the household, children, tenantry of my LadySouthdown were expected to go down on their knees with her Ladyship,and say Amen to the prayers of either Doctor. During these exercisesold Southdown, on account of his invalid condition, was allowed to sitin his own room, and have negus and the paper read to him. Lady Janewas the old Earl's favourite daughter, and tended him and loved himsincerely: as for Lady Emily, the authoress of the "Washerwoman ofFinchley Common," her denunciations of future punishment (at thisperiod, for her opinions modified afterwards) were so awful that theyused to frighten the timid old gentleman her father, and the physiciansdeclared his fits always occurred after one of her Ladyship's sermons.

"I will certainly call," said Lady Southdown then, in reply to theexhortation of her daughter's pretendu, Mr. Pitt Crawley--"Who is MissCrawley's medical man?"

Mr. Crawley mentioned the name of Mr. Creamer.

"A most dangerous and ignorant practitioner, my dear Pitt. I haveprovidentially been the means of removing him from several houses:though in one or two instances I did not arrive in time. I could notsave poor dear General Glanders, who was dying under the hands of thatignorant man--dying. He rallied a little under the Podgers' pillswhich I administered to him; but alas! it was too late. His death wasdelightful, however; and his change was only for the better; Creamer,my dear Pitt, must leave your aunt."

Pitt expressed his perfect acquiescence. He, too, had been carriedalong by the energy of his noble kinswoman, and future mother-in-law.He had been made to accept Saunders McNitre, Luke Waters, Giles Jowls,Podgers' Pills, Rodgers' Pills, Pokey's Elixir, every one of herLadyship's remedies spiritual or temporal. He never left her housewithout carrying respectfully away with him piles of her quack theologyand medicine. O, my dear brethren and fellow-sojourners in VanityFair, which among you does not know and suffer under such benevolentdespots? It is in vain you say to them, "Dear Madam, I took Podgers'specific at your orders last year, and believe in it. Why, why am I torecant and accept the Rodgers' articles now?" There is no help for it;the faithful proselytizer, if she cannot convince by argument, burstsinto tears, and the refusant finds himself, at the end of the contest,taking down the bolus, and saying, "Well, well, Rodgers' be it."

"And as for her spiritual state," continued the Lady, "that of coursemust be looked to immediately: with Creamer about her, she may go offany day: and in what a condition, my dear Pitt, in what a dreadfulcondition! I will send the Reverend Mr. Irons to her instantly. Jane,write a line to the Reverend Bartholomew Irons, in the third person,and say that I desire the pleasure of his company this evening at teaat half-past six. He is an awakening man; he ought to see Miss Crawleybefore she rests this night. And Emily, my love, get ready a packet ofbooks for Miss Crawley. Put up 'A Voice from the Flames,' 'ATrumpet-warning to Jericho,' and the 'Fleshpots Broken; or, theConverted Cannibal.'"

"And the 'Washerwoman of Finchley Common,' Mamma," said Lady Emily. "Itis as well to begin soothingly at first."

"Stop, my dear ladies," said Pitt, the diplomatist. "With everydeference to the opinion of my beloved and respected Lady Southdown, Ithink it would be quite unadvisable to commence so early upon serioustopics with Miss Crawley. Remember her delicate condition, and howlittle, how very little accustomed she has hitherto been toconsiderations connected with her immortal welfare."

"Can we then begin too early, Pitt?" said Lady Emily, rising with sixlittle books already in her hand.

"If you begin abruptly, you will frighten her altogether. I know myaunt's worldly nature so well as to be sure that any abrupt attempt atconversion will be the very worst means that can be employed for thewelfare of that unfortunate lady. You will only frighten and annoyher. She will very likely fling the books away, and refuse allacquaintance with the givers."

"You are as worldly as Miss Crawley, Pitt," said Lady Emily, tossingout of the room, her books in her hand.

"And I need not tell you, my dear Lady Southdown," Pitt continued, in alow voice, and without heeding the interruption, "how fatal a littlewant of gentleness and caution may be to any hopes which we mayentertain with regard to the worldly possessions of my aunt. Remembershe has seventy thousand pounds; think of her age, and her highlynervous and delicate condition; I know that she has destroyed the willwhich was made in my brother's (Colonel Crawley's) favour: it is bysoothing that wounded spirit that we must lead it into the right path,and not by frightening it; and so I think you will agree with methat--that--'

"Of course, of course," Lady Southdown remarked. "Jane, my love, youneed not send that note to Mr. Irons. If her health is such thatdiscussions fatigue her, we will wait her amendment. I will call uponMiss Crawley tomorrow."

"And if I might suggest, my sweet lady," Pitt said in a bland tone, "itwould be as well not to take our precious Emily, who is tooenthusiastic; but rather that you should be accompanied by our sweetand dear Lady Jane."

"Most certainly, Emily would ruin everything," Lady Southdown said; andthis time agreed to forego her usual practice, which was, as we havesaid, before she bore down personally upon any individual whom sheproposed to subjugate, to fire in a quantity of tracts upon the menacedparty (as a charge of the French was always preceded by a furiouscannonade). Lady Southdown, we say, for the sake of the invalid'shealth, or for the sake of her soul's ultimate welfare, or for the sakeof her money, agreed to temporise.

The next day, the great Southdown female family carriage, with theEarl's coronet and the lozenge (upon which the three lambs trottantargent upon the field vert of the Southdowns, were quartered with sableon a bend or, three snuff-mulls gules, the cognizance of the house ofBinkie), drove up in state to Miss Crawley's door, and the tall seriousfootman handed in to Mr. Bowls her Ladyship's cards for Miss Crawley,and one likewise for Miss Briggs. By way of compromise, Lady Emilysent in a packet in the evening for the latter lady, containing copiesof the "Washerwoman," and other mild and favourite tracts for Miss B.'sown perusal; and a few for the servants' hall, viz.: "Crumbs from thePantry," "The Frying Pan and the Fire," and "The Livery of Sin," of amuch stronger kind.