Chapter 80 - Manicamp And Malicorne

Malicorne, then, left Blois, as we have said, and went tofind his friend Manicamp, then in temporary retreat in thecity of Orleans. It was just at the moment when that youngnobleman was employed in selling the last decent clothing hehad left. He had, a fortnight before extorted from the Comtede Guiche a hundred pistoles, all he had, to assist inequipping him properly to go and meet Madame, on her arrivalat Havre. He had drawn from Malicorne, three days before,fifty pistoles, the price of the brevet obtained forMontalais. He had then no expectation of anything else,having exhausted all his resources, with the exception ofselling a handsome suit of cloth and satin, embroidered andlaced with gold, which had been the admiration of the court.But to be able to sell this suit, the last he had left - aswe have been forced to confess to the reader - Manicamp hadbeen obliged to take to his bed. No more fire, no morepocket-money, no more walking-money, nothing but sleep totake the place of repasts, companies and balls. It has beensaid - "he who sleeps, dines;" but it has never beenaffirmed - he who sleeps, plays - or he who sleeps,dances. Manicamp, reduced to this extremity of neitherplaying nor dancing, for a week at least, was, consequently,very sad; he was expecting a usurer, and saw Malicorneenter. A cry of distress escaped him.

"Eh! what!" said he, in a tone which nothing can describe,"is that you again, dear friend?"

"Humph! you are very polite!" said Malicorne.

"Ay, but look you, I was expecting money, and, instead ofmoney, I see you."

"And suppose I brought you some money?"

"Oh! that would be quite another thing. You are verywelcome, my dear friend!"

And he held out his hand, not for the hand of Malicorne, butfor the purse. Malicorne pretended to be mistaken, and gavehim his hand.

"And the money?" said Manicamp.

"My dear friend, if you wish to have it, earn it."

"What must be done for it?"

"Earn it, parbleu!"

"And after what fashion?"

"Oh! that is rather trying, I warn you."

"The devil!"

"You must get out of bed, and go immediately to M. le Comtede Guiche."

"I get out!" said Manicamp, stretching himself in his bed,complacently, "oh, no, thank you!"

"You have sold all your clothes?"

"No, I have one suit left, the handsomest even, but I expecta purchaser."

"And the chausses?"

"Well, if you look, you will see them on that chair."

"Very well! since you have some chausses and a pourpointleft, put your legs into the first and your back into theother; have a horse saddled, and set off."

"Not I."

"And why not?"

"Mordieu! don't you know, then, that M. de Guiche is atEtampes?"

"No, I thought he was at Paris. You will then only havefifteen leagues to go, instead of thirty."

"You are a wonderfully clever fellow! If I were to ridefifteen leagues in these clothes, they would never be fit toput on again; and, instead of selling them for thirtypistoles, I should be obliged to take fifteen."

"Sell them for what you like, but I must have a secondcommission of maid of honor."

"Good! for whom? Is Montalais doubled then?"

"Vile fellow! - It is you who are doubled. You swallow uptwo fortunes - mine, and that of M. le Comte de Guiche."

"You should say, that of M. le Comte de Guiche and yours."

"That is true; honor where it is due; but I return to mybrevet."

"And you are wrong."

"Prove me that."

"My friend, there will only be twelve maids of honor formadame, I have already obtained for you what twelve hundredwomen are trying for, and for that I was forced to employall my diplomacy."

"Oh! yes, I know you have been quite heroic, my dearfriend."

"We know what we are about," said Manicamp.

"To whom do you tell that? When I am king, I promise you onething."

"What? To call yourself Malicorne the first?"

"No; to make you superintendent of my finances; but that isnot the question now."

"Unfortunately."

"The present affair is to procure for me a second place ofmaid of honor."

"My friend, if you were to promise me the price of heaven, Iwould decline to disturb myself at this moment." Malicornechinked the money in his pocket.

"There are twenty pistoles here," said Malicorne.

"And what would you do with twenty pistoles, mon Dieu!"

"Well!" said Malicorne, a little angrily, "suppose I were toadd them to the five hundred you already owe me?"

"You are right," replied Manicamp, stretching out his handagain, "and from that point of view I can accept them. Givethem to me."

"An instant, what the devil! it is not only holding out yourhand that will do; if I give you the twenty pistoles, shallI have my brevet?"

"To be sure you shall."

"Soon?"

"To-day."

"Oh! take care! Monsieur de Manicamp; you undertake much,and I do not ask that. Thirty leagues in a day is too much,you would kill yourself."

"I think nothing impossible when obliging a friend."

"You are quite heroic."

"Where are the twenty pistoles?"

"Here they are," said Malicorne, showing them.

"That's well."

"Yes, but my dear M. Manicamp, you would consume them inpost-horses alone!"

"No, no, make yourself easy on that score."

"Pardon me. Why, it is fifteen leagues from this place toEtampes?"

"Fourteen."

"Well! fourteen be it; fourteen leagues makes seven posts;at twenty sous the post, seven livres; seven livres thecourier, fourteen; as many for coming back, twenty-eight! asmuch for bed and supper, that makes sixty livres thiscomplaisance would cost."

Manicamp stretched himself like a serpent in his bed, andfixing his two great eyes upon Malicorne, "You are right,"said he; "I could not return before to-morrow;" and he tookthe twenty pistoles.

"Now, then, be off!"

"Well, as I cannot be back before to-morrow. we have time."

"Time for what?"

"Time to play."

"What do you wish to play with?

"Your twenty pistoles, pardieu!"

"No; you always win."

"I will wager them, then."

"Against what?"

"Against twenty others."

"And what shall be the object of the wager?"

"This. We have said it was fourteen leagues to Etampes?"

"Yes."

"And fourteen leagues back?

"Doubtless."

"Well; for these twenty-eight leagues you cannot allow lessthan fourteen hours?"

"That is agreed."

"One hour to find the Comte de Guiche.

"Go on."

"And an hour to persuade him to write a letter to Monsieur."

"Just so."

"Sixteen hours in all?"

"You reckon as well as M. Colbert."

"It is now twelve o'clock."

"Half-past."

"Hein! - you have a handsome watch!"

"What were you saying?" said Malicorne, putting his watchquickly back into his fob.

"Ah! true; I was offering to lay you twenty pistoles againstthese you have lent me, that you will have the Comte deGuiche's letter in - - "

"How soon?"

"In eight hours."

"Have you a winged horse, then?"

"That is no matter. Will you bet?"

"I shall have the comte's letter in eight hours?"

"Yes."

"In hand?"

"In hand."

"Well, be it so; I lay," said Malicorne, curious to know howthis seller of clothes would get through.

"Is it agreed?"

"It is."

"Pass me the pen, ink, and paper.

"Here they are."

"Thank you."

Manicamp raised himself with a sigh, and leaning on his leftelbow, in his best hand, traced the following lines: -

"Good for an order for a place of maid of honor to Madame,which M. le Comte de Guiche will take upon him to obtain atsight.

"De Manicamp."

This painful task accomplished, he laid himself down in bedagain.

"Well!" asked Malicorne, "what does this mean?"

"That means that if you are in a hurry to have the letterfrom the Comte de Guiche for Monsieur, I have won my wager."

"How the devil is that?"

"That is transparent enough, I think; you take that paper."

"Well?"

"And you set out instead of me."

"Ah!"

"You put your horses to their best speed."

"Good!"

"In six hours you will be at Etampes; in seven hours youhave the letter from the comte, and I shall have won mywager without stirring from my bed, which suits me and youtoo, at the same time, I am very sure."

"Decidedly, Manicamp, you are a great man."

"Hein! I know that."

"I am to start then for Etampes?"

"Directly."

"I am to go to the Comte de Guiche with this order?"

"He will give you a similar one for Monsieur."

"Monsieur will approve?"

"Instantly."

"And I shall have my brevet?"

"You will."

"Ah!"

"Well, I hope I behave genteely?"

"Adorably."

"Thank you."

"You do as you please, then, with the Comte de Guiche,Malicorne?"

"Except making money of him - everything?"

"Diable! the exception is annoying; but then, if instead ofasking him for money, you were to ask - - "

"What?"

"Something important."

"What do you call important?"

"Well! suppose one of your friends asked you to render him aservice?"

"I would not render it to him."

"Selfish fellow!"

"Or at least I would ask him what service he would render mein exchange."

"Ah! that, perhaps, is fair. Well, that friend speaks toyou."

"What, you, Malicorne?"

"Yes; I."

"Ah! ah! you are rich, then?"

"I have still fifty pistoles left."

"Exactly the sum I want. Where are those fifty pistoles?"

"Here," said Malicorne, slapping his pocket.

"Then speak, my friend; what do you want?"

Malicorne took up the pen, ink, and paper again, andpresented them all to Manicamp. "Write!" said he.

"Dictate!"

"An order for a place in the household of Monsieur."

"Oh!" said Manicamp, laying down the pen, "a place in thehousehold of Monsieur for fifty pistoles?"

"You mistook me, my friend; you did not hear plainly."

"What did you say, then?"

"I said five hundred."

"And the five hundred?"

"Here they are."

Manicamp devoured the rouleau with his eyes; but this timeMalicorne held it at a distance.

"Eh! what do you say to that? Five hundred pistoles."

"I say it is for nothing, my friend," said Manicamp, takingup the pen again, "and you exhaust my credit. Dictate."

Malicorne continued:

"Which my friend the Comte de Guiche will obtain for myfriend Malicorne."

"That's it," said Manicamp.

"Pardon me, you have forgotten to sign."

"Ah! that is true. The five hundred pistoles?"

"Here are two hundred and fifty of them."

"And the other two hundred and fifty?"

"When I am in possession of my place."

Manicamp made a face.

"In that case give me the recommendation back again."

"What to do?"

"To add two words to it."

"Two words?"

"Yes, two words only."

"What are they?"

"In haste."

Malicorne returned the recommendation; Manicamp added thewords.

"Good," said Malicorne, taking back the paper.

Manicamp began to count out the pistoles.

"There want twenty," said he.

"How so?"

"The twenty I have won."

"In what way?"

"By laying that you would have the letter from the Comte deGuiche in eight hours."

"Ah! that's fair," and he gave him the twenty pistoles.

Manicamp began to scoop up his gold by handfuls, and pour itin cascades upon his bed.

"This second place," murmured Malicorne, whilst drying hispaper, "which, at the first glance appears to cost me morethan the first, but - - " He stopped, took up the pen inhis turn, and wrote to Montalais: -

"Mademoiselle, - Announce to your friend that hercommission will not be long before it arrives; I am settingout to get it signed: that will be twenty-eight leagues Ishall have gone for the love of you."

Then with his sardonic smile, taking up the interruptedsentence: - "This place," said he, "at the first glance,appears to cost more than the first; but - the benefit willbe, I hope, in proportion with the expense, and Mademoisellede la Valliere will bring me back more than Mademoiselle deMontalais, or else, - or else my name is not Malicorne.Farewell, Manicamp," and he left the room.