Chapter 19 - The Letter
MY father's mortal remains had been consigned to the tomb; and we,with sad faces and sombre garments, sat lingering over the frugalbreakfast-table, revolving plans for our future life. My mother'sstrong mind had not given way beneath even this affliction: herspirit, though crushed, was not broken. Mary's wish was that Ishould go back to Horton Lodge, and that our mother should come andlive with her and Mr. Richardson at the vicarage: she affirmedthat he wished it no less than herself, and that such anarrangement could not fail to benefit all parties; for my mother'ssociety and experience would be of inestimable value to them, andthey would do all they could to make her happy. But no argumentsor entreaties could prevail: my mother was determined not to go.Not that she questioned, for a moment, the kind wishes andintentions of her daughter; but she affirmed that so long as Godspared her health and strength, she would make use of them to earnher own livelihood, and be chargeable to no one; whether herdependence would be felt as a burden or not. If she could affordto reside as a lodger in - vicarage, she would choose that housebefore all others as the place of her abode; but not being socircumstanced, she would never come under its roof, except as anoccasional visitor: unless sickness or calamity should render herassistance really needful, or until age or infirmity made herincapable of maintaining herself.
'No, Mary,' said she, 'if Richardson and you have anything tospare, you must lay it aside for your family; and Agnes and I mustgather honey for ourselves. Thanks to my having had daughters toeducate, I have not forgotten my accomplishments. God willing, Iwill check this vain repining,' she said, while the tears coursedone another down her cheeks in spite of her efforts; but she wipedthem away, and resolutely shaking back her head, continued, 'I willexert myself, and look out for a small house, commodiously situatedin some populous but healthy district, where we will take a fewyoung ladies to board and educate - if we can get them - and asmany day pupils as will come, or as we can manage to instruct.Your father's relations and old friends will be able to send ussome pupils, or to assist us with their recommendations, no doubt:I shall not apply to my own. What say you to it, Agnes? will yoube willing to leave your present situation and try?'
'Quite willing, mamma; and the money I have saved will do tofurnish the house. It shall be taken from the bank directly.'
'When it is wanted: we must get the house, and settle onpreliminaries first.'
Mary offered to lend the little she possessed; but my motherdeclined it, saying that we must begin on an economical plan; andshe hoped that the whole or part of mine, added to what we couldget by the sale of the furniture, and what little our dear papa hadcontrived to lay aside for her since the debts were paid, would besufficient to last us till Christmas; when, it was hoped, somethingwould accrue from our united labours. It was finally settled thatthis should be our plan; and that inquiries and preparations shouldimmediately be set on foot; and while my mother busied herself withthese, I should return to Horton Lodge at the close of my fourweeks' vacation, and give notice for my final departure when thingswere in train for the speedy commencement of our school.
We were discussing these affairs on the morning I have mentioned,about a fortnight after my father's death, when a letter wasbrought in for my mother, on beholding which the colour mounted toher face - lately pale enough with anxious watchings and excessivesorrow. 'From my father!' murmured she, as she hastily tore offthe cover. It was many years since she had heard from any of herown relations before. Naturally wondering what the letter mightcontain, I watched her countenance while she read it, and wassomewhat surprised to see her bite her lip and knit her brows as ifin anger. When she had done, she somewhat irreverently cast it onthe table, saying with a scornful smile, - 'Your grandpapa has beenso kind as to write to me. He says he has no doubt I have longrepented of my "unfortunate marriage," and if I will onlyacknowledge this, and confess I was wrong in neglecting his advice,and that I have justly suffered for it, he will make a lady of meonce again - if that be possible after my long degradation - andremember my girls in his will. Get my desk, Agnes, and send thesethings away: I will answer the letter directly. But first, as Imay be depriving you both of a legacy, it is just that I shouldtell you what I mean to say. I shall say that he is mistaken insupposing that I can regret the birth of my daughters (who havebeen the pride of my life, and are likely to be the comfort of myold age), or the thirty years I have passed in the company of mybest and dearest friend; - that, had our misfortunes been threetimes as great as they were (unless they had been of my bringingon), I should still the more rejoice to have shared them with yourfather, and administered what consolation I was able; and, had hissufferings in illness been ten times what they wore, I could notregret having watched over and laboured to relieve them; - that, ifhe had married a richer wife, misfortunes and trials would no doubthave come upon him still; while I am egotist enough to imagine thatno other woman could have cheered him through them so well: notthat I am superior to the rest, but I was made for him, and he forme; and I can no more repent the hours, days, years of happiness wehave spent together, and which neither could have had without theother, than I can the privilege of having been his nurse insickness, and his comfort in affliction.
'Will this do, children? - or shall I say we are all very sorry forwhat has happened during the last thirty years, and my daughterswish they had never been born; but since they have had thatmisfortune, they will be thankful for any trifle their grandpapawill be kind enough to bestow?'
Of course, we both applauded our mother's resolution; Mary clearedaway the breakfast things; I brought the desk; the letter wasquickly written and despatched; and, from that day, we heard nomore of our grandfather, till we saw his death announced in thenewspaper a considerable time after - all his worldly possessions,of course, being left to our wealthy unknown cousins.