Chapter 4 - The Grandmamma
I SPARE my readers the account of my delight on coming home, myhappiness while there - enjoying a brief space of rest and libertyin that dear, familiar place, among the loving and the loved - andmy sorrow on being obliged to bid them, once more, a long adieu.
I returned, however, with unabated vigour to my work - a morearduous task than anyone can imagine, who has not felt somethinglike the misery of being charged with the care and direction of aset of mischievous, turbulent rebels, whom his utmost exertionscannot bind to their duty; while, at the same time, he isresponsible for their conduct to a higher power, who exacts fromhim what cannot be achieved without the aid of the superior's morepotent authority; which, either from indolence, or the fear ofbecoming unpopular with the said rebellious gang, the latterrefuses to give. I can conceive few situations more harassing thanthat wherein, however you may long for success, however you maylabour to fulfil your duty, your efforts are baffled and set atnought by those beneath you, and unjustly censured and misjudged bythose above.
I have not enumerated half the vexatious propensities of my pupils,or half the troubles resulting from my heavy responsibilities, forfear of trespassing too much upon the reader's patience; as,perhaps, I have already done; but my design in writing the few lastpages was not to amuse, but to benefit those whom it might concern;he that has no interest in such matters will doubtless have skippedthem over with a cursory glance, and, perhaps, a maledictionagainst the prolixity of the writer; but if a parent has,therefrom, gathered any useful hint, or an unfortunate governessreceived thereby the slightest benefit, I am well rewarded for mypains.
To avoid trouble and confusion, I have taken my pupils one by one,and discussed their various qualities; but this can give noadequate idea of being worried by the whole three together; when,as was often the case, all were determined to 'be naughty, and totease Miss Grey, and put her in a passion.'
Sometimes, on such occasions, the thought has suddenly occurred tome - 'If they could see me now!' meaning, of course, my friends athome; and the idea of how they would pity me has made me pitymyself - so greatly that I have had the utmost difficulty torestrain my tears: but I have restrained them, till my littletormentors were gone to dessert, or cleared off to bed (my onlyprospects of deliverance), and then, in all the bliss of solitude,I have given myself up to the luxury of an unrestricted burst ofweeping. But this was a weakness I did not often indulge: myemployments were too numerous, my leisure moments too precious, toadmit of much time being given to fruitless lamentations.
I particularly remember one wild, snowy afternoon, soon after myreturn in January: the children had all come up from dinner,loudly declaring that they meant 'to be naughty;' and they had wellkept their resolution, though I had talked myself hoarse, andwearied every muscle in my throat, in the vain attempt to reasonthem out of it. I had got Tom pinned up in a corner, whence, Itold him, he should not escape till he had done his appointed task.Meantime, Fanny had possessed herself of my work-bag, and wasrifling its contents - and spitting into it besides. I told her tolet it alone, but to no purpose, of course. 'Burn it, Fanny!'cried Tom: and THIS command she hastened to obey. I sprang tosnatch it from the fire, and Tom darted to the door. 'Mary Ann,throw her desk out of the window!' cried he: and my precious desk,containing my letters and papers, my small amount of cash, and allmy valuables, was about to be precipitated from the three-storeywindow. I flew to rescue it. Meanwhile Tom had left the room, andwas rushing down the stairs, followed by Fanny. Having secured mydesk, I ran to catch them, and Mary Ann came scampering after. Allthree escaped me, and ran out of the house into the garden, wherethey plunged about in the snow, shouting and screaming in exultantglee.
What must I do? If I followed them, I should probably be unable tocapture one, and only drive them farther away; if I did not, howwas I to get them in? And what would their parents think of me, ifthey saw or heard the children rioting, hatless, bonnetless,gloveless, and bootless, in the deep soft snow? While I stood inthis perplexity, just without the door, trying, by grim looks andangry words, to awe them into subjection, I heard a voice behindme, in harshly piercing tones, exclaiming, -
'Miss Grey! Is it possible? What, in the devil's name, can you bethinking about?'
'I can't get them in, sir,' said I, turning round, and beholdingMr. Bloomfield, with his hair on end, and his pale blue eyesbolting from their sockets.
'But I INSIST upon their being got in!' cried he, approachingnearer, and looking perfectly ferocious.
'Then, sir, you must call them yourself, if you please, for theywon't listen to me,' I replied, stepping back.
'Come in with you, you filthy brats; or I'll horsewhip you everyone!' roared he; and the children instantly obeyed. 'There, yousee! - they come at the first word!'
'Yes, when YOU speak.'
'And it's very strange, that when you've the care of 'em you've nobetter control over 'em than that! - Now, there they are - gone up-stairs with their nasty snowy feet! Do go after 'em and see themmade decent, for heaven's sake!'
That gentleman's mother was then staying in the house; and, as Iascended the stairs and passed the drawing-room door, I had thesatisfaction of hearing the old lady declaiming aloud to herdaughter-in-law to this effect (for I could only distinguish themost emphatic words) -
'Gracious heavens! - never in all my life - ! - get their death assure as - ! Do you think, my dear, she's a PROPER PERSON? Take myword for it - '
I heard no more; but that sufficed.
The senior Mrs. Bloomfield had been very attentive and civil to me;and till now I had thought her a nice, kind-hearted, chatty oldbody. She would often come to me and talk in a confidentialstrain; nodding and shaking her head, and gesticulating with handsand eyes, as a certain class of old ladies are won't to do; thoughI never knew one that carried the peculiarity to so great anextent. She would even sympathise with me for the trouble I hadwith the children, and express at times, by half sentences,interspersed with nods and knowing winks, her sense of theinjudicious conduct of their mamma in so restricting my power, andneglecting to support me with her authority. Such a mode oftestifying disapprobation was not much to my taste; and I generallyrefused to take it in, or understand anything more than was openlyspoken; at least, I never went farther than an impliedacknowledgment that, if matters were otherwise ordered my taskwould be a less difficult one, and I should be better able to guideand instruct my charge; but now I must be doubly cautious.Hitherto, though I saw the old lady had her defects (of which onewas a proneness to proclaim her perfections), I had always beenwishful to excuse them, and to give her credit for all the virtuesshe professed, and even imagine others yet untold. Kindness, whichhad been the food of my life through so many years, had lately beenso entirely denied me, that I welcomed with grateful joy theslightest semblance of it. No wonder, then, that my heart warmedto the old lady, and always gladdened at her approach and regrettedher departure.
But now, the few words luckily or unluckily heard in passing hadwholly revolutionized my ideas respecting her: now I looked uponher as hypocritical and insincere, a flatterer, and a spy upon mywords and deeds. Doubtless it would have been my interest still tomeet her with the same cheerful smile and tone of respectfulcordiality as before; but I could not, if I would: my manneraltered with my feelings, and became so cold and shy that she couldnot fail to notice it. She soon did notice it, and HER manneraltered too: the familiar nod was changed to a stiff bow, thegracious smile gave place to a glare of Gorgon ferocity; hervivacious loquacity was entirely transferred from me to 'thedarling boy and girls,' whom she flattered and indulged moreabsurdly than ever their mother had done.
I confess I was somewhat troubled at this change: I feared theconsequences of her displeasure, and even made some efforts torecover the ground I had lost - and with better apparent successthan I could have anticipated. At one time, I, merely in commoncivility, asked after her cough; immediately her long visagerelaxed into a smile, and she favoured me with a particular historyof that and her other infirmities, followed by an account of herpious resignation, delivered in the usual emphatic, declamatorystyle, which no writing can portray.
'But there's one remedy for all, my dear, and that's resignation'(a toss of the head), 'resignation to the will of heaven!' (anuplifting of the hands and eyes). 'It has always supported methrough all my trials, and always will do' (a succession of nods).'But then, it isn't everybody that can say that' (a shake of thehead); 'but I'm one of the pious ones, Miss Grey!' (a verysignificant nod and toss). 'And, thank heaven, I always was'(another nod), 'and I glory in it!' (an emphatic clasping of thehands and shaking of the head). And with several texts ofScripture, misquoted or misapplied, and religious exclamations soredolent of the ludicrous in the style of delivery and manner ofbringing in, if not in the expressions themselves, that I declinerepeating them, she withdrew; tossing her large head in high good-humour - with herself at least - and left me hoping that, afterall, she was rather weak than wicked.
At her next visit to Wellwood House, I went so far as to say I wasglad to see her looking so well. The effect of this was magical:the words, intended as a mark of civility, were received as aflattering compliment; her countenance brightened up, and from thatmoment she became as gracious and benign as heart could wish - inoutward semblance at least. From what I now saw of her, and what Iheard from the children, I know that, in order to gain her cordialfriendship, I had but to utter a word of flattery at eachconvenient opportunity: but this was against my principles; andfor lack of this, the capricious old dame soon deprived me of herfavour again, and I believe did me much secret injury.
She could not greatly influence her daughter-in-law against me,because, between that lady and herself there was a mutual dislike -chiefly shown by her in secret detractions and calumniations; bythe other, in an excess of frigid formality in her demeanour; andno fawning flattery of the elder could thaw away the wall of icewhich the younger interposed between them. But with her son, theold lady had better success: he would listen to all she had tosay, provided she could soothe his fretful temper, and refrain fromirritating him by her own asperities; and I have reason to believethat she considerably strengthened his prejudice against me. Shewould tell him that I shamefully neglected the children, and evenhis wife did not attend to them as she ought; and that he must lookafter them himself, or they would all go to ruin.
Thus urged, he would frequently give himself the trouble ofwatching them from the windows during their play; at times, hewould follow them through the grounds, and too often came suddenlyupon them while they were dabbling in the forbidden well, talkingto the coachman in the stables, or revelling in the filth of thefarm-yard - and I, meanwhile, wearily standing, by, havingpreviously exhausted my energy in vain attempts to get them away.Often, too, he would unexpectedly pop his head into the schoolroomwhile the young people were at meals, and find them spilling theirmilk over the table and themselves, plunging their fingers intotheir own or each other's mugs, or quarrelling over their victualslike a set of tiger's cubs. If I were quiet at the moment, I wasconniving at their disorderly conduct; if (as was frequently thecase) I happened to be exalting my voice to enforce order, I wasusing undue violence, and setting the girls a bad example by suchungentleness of tone and language.
I remember one afternoon in spring, when, owing to the rain, theycould not go out; but, by some amazing good fortune, they had allfinished their lessons, and yet abstained from running down totease their parents - a trick that annoyed me greatly, but which,on rainy days, I seldom could prevent their doing; because, below,they found novelty and amusement - especially when visitors were inthe house; and their mother, though she bid me keep them in theschoolroom, would never chide them for leaving it, or troubleherself to send them back. But this day they appeared satisfiedwith, their present abode, and what is more wonderful still, seemeddisposed to play together without depending on me for amusement,and without quarrelling with each other. Their occupation was asomewhat puzzling one: they were all squatted together on thefloor by the window, over a heap of broken toys and a quantity ofbirds' eggs - or rather egg-shells, for the contents had luckilybeen abstracted. These shells they had broken up and were poundinginto small fragments, to what end I could not imagine; but so longas they were quiet and not in positive mischief, I did not care;and, with a feeling of unusual repose, I sat by the fire, puttingthe finishing stitches to a frock for Mary Ann's doll; intending,when that was done, to begin a letter to my mother. Suddenly thedoor opened, and the dingy head of Mr. Bloomfield looked in.
'All very quiet here! What are you doing?' said he. 'No harm TO-DAY, at least,' thought I. But he was of a different opinion.Advancing to the window, and seeing the children's occupations, hetestily exclaimed - 'What in the world are you about?'
'We're grinding egg-shells, papa!' cried Tom.
'How DARE you make such a mess, you little devils? Don't you seewhat confounded work you're making of the carpet?' (the carpet wasa plain brown drugget). 'Miss Grey, did you know what they weredoing?'
'Yes, sir.'
'You knew it?'
'Yes.'
'You knew it! and you actually sat there and permitted them to goon without a word of reproof!'
'I didn't think they were doing any harm.'
'Any harm! Why, look there! Just look at that carpet, and see -was there ever anything like it in a Christian house before? Nowonder your room is not fit for a pigsty - no wonder your pupilsare worse than a litter of pigs! - no wonder - oh! I declare, itputs me quite past my patience' and he departed, shutting the doorafter him with a bang that made the children laugh.
'It puts me quite past my patience too!' muttered I, getting up;and, seizing the poker, I dashed it repeatedly into the cinders,and stirred them up with unwonted energy; thus easing my irritationunder pretence of mending the fire.
After this, Mr. Bloomfield was continually looking in to see if theschoolroom was in order; and, as the children were continuallylittering the floor with fragments of toys, sticks, stones,stubble, leaves, and other rubbish, which I could not prevent theirbringing, or oblige them to gather up, and which the servantsrefused to 'clean after them,' I had to spend a considerableportion of my valuable leisure moments on my knees upon the floor,in painsfully reducing things to order. Once I told them that theyshould not taste their supper till they had picked up everythingfrom the carpet; Fanny might have hers when she had taken up acertain quantity, Mary Ann when she had gathered twice as many, andTom was to clear away the rest. Wonderful to state, the girls didtheir part; but Tom was in such a fury that he flew upon the table,scattered the bread and milk about the floor, struck his sisters,kicked the coals out of the coal-pan, attempted to overthrow thetable and chairs, and seemed inclined to make a Douglas-larder ofthe whole contents of the room: but I seized upon him, and,sending Mary Ann to call her mamma, held him, in spite of kicks,blows, yells, and execrations, till Mrs. Bloomfield made herappearance.
'What is the matter with my boy?' said she.
And when the matter was explained to her, all she did was to sendfor the nursery-maid to put the room in order, and bring MasterBloomfield his supper.
'There now,' cried Tom, triumphantly, looking up from his viandswith his mouth almost too full for speech. 'There now, Miss Grey!you see I've got my supper in spite of you: and I haven't pickedup a single thing!'
The only person in the house who had any real sympathy for me wasthe nurse; for she had suffered like afflictions, though in asmaller degree; as she had not the task of teaching, nor was she soresponsible for the conduct of her charge.
'Oh, Miss Grey!' she would say, 'you have some trouble with themchilder!'
'I have, indeed, Betty; and I daresay you know what it is.'
'Ay, I do so! But I don't vex myself o'er 'em as you do. Andthen, you see, I hit 'em a slap sometimes: and them little 'uns -I gives 'em a good whipping now and then: there's nothing elsewill do for 'em, as what they say. Howsoever, I've lost my placefor it.'
'Have you, Betty? I heard you were going to leave.'
'Eh, bless you, yes! Missis gave me warning a three wik sin'. Shetold me afore Christmas how it mud be, if I hit 'em again; but Icouldn't hold my hand off 'em at nothing. I know not how YOU do,for Miss Mary Ann's worse by the half nor her sisters!'