Chapter 14 - Aunt Clara's Plan
Being seriously alarmed by the fear of losing the desire of hisheart, Charlie had gone resolutely to work and, like many anotheryoung reformer, he rather overdid the matter, for in trying to keepout of the way of temptation, he denied himself much innocentenjoyment. The "artistic fit" was a good excuse for the seclusionwhich he fancied would be a proper penance, and he sat listlesslyplying crayon or paintbrush, with daily wild rides on black Brutus,which seemed to do him good, for danger of that sort was hisdelight.
People were used to his whims and made light of what theyconsidered a new one, but when it lasted week after week and allattempts to draw him out were vain, his jolly comrades gave himup and the family began to say approvingly, "Now he really isgoing to settle down and do something." Fortunately, his motherlet him alone, for though Dr. Alec had not "thundered in her ear"as he threatened, he had talked with her in a way which first madeher very angry, then anxious, and, lastly, quite submissive, for herheart was set on the boy's winning Rose and she would have hadhim put on sackcloth and ashes if that would have secured theprize. She made light of the cause of Rose's displeasure,considering her extremely foolish and straitlaced, "for all youngmen of any spirit had their little vices, and came out well enoughwhen the wild oats were sowed." So she indulged Charlie in hisnew vagary, as she had in all his others, and treated him like anill-used being, which was neither an inspiring nor helpful courseon her part. Poor soul! She saw her mistake by and by, and whentoo late repented of it bitterly.
Rose wanted to be kind, and tried in various ways to help hercousin, feeling very sure she should succeed as many anotherhopeful woman has done, quite unconscious how much stronger anundisciplined will is than the truest love, and what a difficult taskthe wisest find it to undo the mistakes of a bad education. But itwas a hard thing to do, for at the least hint of commendation orencouragement, he looked so hopeful that she was afraid ofseeming to promise too much, and, of all things, she desired toescape the accusation of having trifled with him.
So life was not very comfortable to either just then; and whileCharlie was "mortifying soul and body" to please her, she wasstudying how to serve him best. Aunt Jessie helped her very much,and no one guessed, when they saw pretty Miss Campbell going upand down the hill with such a serious face, that she was intentupon anything except taking, with praiseworthy regularity, theconstitutionals which gave her such a charming color.
Matters were in this state when one day a note came to Rose fromMrs. Clara.
MY SWEET CHILD, Do take pity on my poor boy and cheer himup with a sight of you, for he is so triste it breaks my heartto see him. He has a new plan in his head, which strikes me as anexcellent one, if you will only favor it. Let him come and take youfor a drive this fine afternoon and talk things over. It will do him aworld of good and deeply oblige Your ever loving AUNT CLARA.
Rose read the note twice and stood a moment pondering, with hereyes absently fixed on the little bay before her window. The sightof several black figures moving briskly to and fro across its frozensurface seemed to suggest a mode of escape from the drive shedreaded in more ways than one. "That will be safer andpleasanter," she said, and going to her desk wrote her answer.
DEAR AUNTY, I'm afraid of Brutus, but if Charlie will go skatingwith me, I should enjoy it very much and it would do us both good.I can listen to the new plan with an undivided mind there, so givehim my love, please, and say I shall expect him at three.
Affectionately,ROSE.
Punctually at three Charlie appeared with his skates over his armand with a very contented face, which brightened wonderfully asRose came downstairs in a sealskin suit and scarlet skirt, so likethe one she wore years ago that he involuntarily exclaimed as hetook her skates: "You look so like little Rose I hardly know you,and it seems so like old times I feel sixteen again."
"That is just the way one ought to feel on such a day as this. Nowlet us be off and have a good spin before anyone comes. There areonly a few children there now, but it is Saturday, you know, andeverybody will be out before long," answered Rose, carefullyputting on her mittens as she talked, for her heart was not as lightas the one little Rose carried under the brown jacket, and the boyof sixteen never looked at her with the love and longing she read inthe eyes of the young man before her.
Away they went, and were soon almost as merry and warm as thechildren around them, for the ice was in good condition, theFebruary sunshine brilliant, and the keen wind set their blooda-tingle with a healthful glow.
"Now tell me the plan your mother spoke of," began Rose as theywent gliding across the wide expanse before them, for Charlieseemed to have forgotten everything but the bliss of having her allto himself for a little while.
"Plan? Oh, yes! It is simply this. I'm going out to Father nextmonth."
"Really?" and Rose looked both surprised and incredulous, for thisplan was not a new one.
"Really. You don't believe it, but I am, and mother means to gowith me. We've had another letter from the governor, and he saysif she can't part from her big baby to come along too, and all behappy together. What do you think of that?" he asked, eyeing herintently, for they were face to face as she went backward and heheld both of her hands to steer and steady her.
"I like it immensely, and do believe it now only it rather takes mybreath away to think of Aunty's going, when she never would hearof it before."
"She doesn't like the plan very well now and consents to go onlyon one condition."
"What is that?" asked Rose, trying to free her hands, for a look atCharlie made her suspect what was coming.
"That you go with us." And, holding the hands fast, he addedrapidly, "Let me finish before you speak. I don't mean thatanything is to be changed till you are ready, but if you go, I amwilling to give up everything else and live anywhere as long as youlike. Why shouldn't you come to us for a year or two? We've neverhad our share. Father would be delighted, mother contented, and Ithe happiest man alive."
"Who made this plan?" asked Rose as soon as she got the breathwhich certainly had been rather taken away by this entirely newand by no means agreeable scheme.
"Mother suggested it I shouldn't have dared even to dream of suchrichness. I'd made up my mind to go alone, and when I told her,she was in despair till this superb idea came into her head. Afterthat, of course, it was easy enough for me to stick to the resolutionI'd made."
"Why did you decide to go, Charlie?" And Rose looked up into theeyes that were fixed beseechingly on hers.
They wavered and glanced aside, then met hers honestly yet full ofhumility, which made her own fall as he answered very low:"Because I don't dare to stay."
"Is it so hard?" she said pitifully.
"Very hard. I haven't the moral courage to own up and faceridicule, and it seems so mean to hide for fear of breaking myword. I will keep it this time, Rose, if I go to the ends of the earthto do it."
"It is not cowardly to flee temptation, and nobody whose opinion isworth having will ridicule any brave attempt to conquer one's self.Don't mind it, Charlie, but stand fast, and I am sure you willsucceed."
"You don't know what it is, and I can't tell you, for till I tried togive it up I never guessed what a grip it had on me. I thought it wasonly a habit, easy to drop when I liked, but it is stronger than I, andsometimes I feel as if possessed of a devil that will get the betterof me, try as I may."
He dropped her hands abruptly as he said that, with the energy ofdespair; and, as if afraid of saying too much, he left her for aminute, striking away at full speed, as if in truth he would "go tothe ends of the earth" to escape the enemy within himself.
Rose stood still, appalled by this sudden knowledge of how muchgreater the evil was than she had dreamed. What ought she to do?Go with her cousin, and by so doing tacitly pledge herself as hiscompanion on that longer journey for which he was as yet sopoorly equipped? Both heart and conscience protested against thisso strongly that she put the thought away. But compassion pleadedfor him tenderly, and the spirit of self-sacrifice, which makeswomen love to give more than they receive, caused her to feel as ifin a measure this man's fate lay in her hands, to be decided forgood or ill through her. How should she be true both to him and toherself?
Before this question could be answered, he was back again,looking as if he had left his care behind him, for his moods variedlike the wind. Her attitude, as she stood motionless and alone withdowncast face, was so unlike the cheerful creature who came tomeet him an hour ago, it filled him with self-reproach, and,coming up, he drew one hand through his arm, saying, as sheinvoluntarily followed him, "You must not stand still. Forget myheroics and answer my question. Will you go with us, Rose?"
"Not now that is asking too much, Charlie, and I will promisenothing, because I cannot do it honestly," she answered, so firmlythat he knew appeal was useless.
"Am I to go alone, then, leaving all I care for behind me?"
"No, take your mother with you, and do your best to reunite yourparents. You could not give yourself to a better task."
"She won't go without you."
"I think she will if you hold fast to your resolution. You won't givethat up, I hope?"
"No I must go somewhere, for I can't stay here, and it may as wellbe India, since that pleases Father," answered Charlie doggedly.
"It will more than you can imagine. Tell him all the truth, and seehow glad he will be to help you, and how sincerely he will respectyou for what you've done."
"If you respect me, I don't care much about the opinion of anyoneelse," answered Charlie, clinging with a lover's pertinacity to thehope that was dearest.
"I shall, if you go manfully away and do the duty you owe yourfather and yourself."
"And when I've done it, may I come back to be rewarded, Rose?"he asked, taking possession of the hand on his arm as if it wasalready his.
"I wish I could say what you want me to. But how can I promisewhen I am not sure of anything? I don't love you as I ought, andperhaps I never shall so why persist in making me bind myself inthis way? Be generous, Charlie, and don't ask it," implored Rose,much afflicted by his persistence.
"I thought you did love me it looked very like it a month ago,unless you have turned coquette, and I can't quite believe that," heanswered bitterly.
"I was beginning to love you, but you made me afraid to go on,"murmured Rose, trying to tell the truth kindly.
"That cursed custom! What can a man do when his hostess askshim to drink wine with her?" And Charlie looked as if he couldhave cursed himself even more heartily.
"He can say 'no.'"
"I can't."
"Ah, that's the trouble! You never learned to say it even toyourself, and now it is so hard, you want me to help you."
"And you won't."
"Yes, I will, by showing you that I can say it to myself, for yoursake." And Rose looked up with a face so full of tender sorrow hecould not doubt the words which both reproached and comfortedhim.
"My little saint! I don't deserve one half your goodness to me, but Iwill, and go away without one complaint to do my best, for yoursake," he cried, touched by her grief and stirred to emulation bythe example of courage and integrity she tried to set him.
Here Kitty and Steve bore down upon them; and, obeying theimpulse to put care behind them, which makes it possible foryoung hearts to ache one minute and dance the next, Rose andCharlie banished their troubles, joined in the sport that soon turnedthe lonely little bay into a ballroom, and enjoyed the splendors of awinter sunset forgetful of separation and Calcutta.